Lately I’ve been in this funk since the one thing I loved most in this world was taken away from me. I’m still grieving and I feel my mourning is appropriate, but I can’t help feeling that I’m getting over this too quickly. And other times I feel like I’ve been grieving too long and am acting foolish by dragging it out.
I feel like my days are becoming so monotonous. Yes I do have two jobs, but since I’m part time at both I shouldn’t be working more than 4-5 days a week total, and I’m perfectly fine with that. But Dollar Tree alone has been scheduling me for 5 days a week and they are well aware of my other job, which I was employed at first. Between these two jobs I’m unable to see my friends anymore. Lately I feel like I don’t even have friends. And the one person I have hung out with and could be myself around is leaving for school next week. And for the majority of my life I’ve felt like I haven’t had friends at all. Yes I have always hung out with people but I always feel like they don’t want that type of connection with me, to be friends with me. Everyone says they feel alone and there’s no one out there to understand them and so on, but that’s how I truly feel. Whenever I start thinking like this I’m afraid I’ll get depressed like when I was at Widener. I can’t go back there again. That was seriously the darkest time in my short life. No one even knows how serious it was because I do not like to discuss it. I just wish I were more articulate and could speak my mind more eloquently. And that people would actually want to listen.
